Feelin’ Those Valentine’s Vibes: What Sex Toy To Buy Yourself This V-Day

Well, it’s that time of year again. Wandering through the aisles of every store, your eyes being accosted by those pink and red greeting cards, stuffed bears that are the size of a compact car and overpriced chocolates. Whether you find yourself alone this coming Tuesday with a bath bomb and Netflix, at your favorite restaurant with your bae or somewhere in between, we here at Bottle have a challenge for you: make yourself your Valentine with a little *~self-service~*

Below, expert masturbator and Bottle Bitch Kellie has provided us with a list of sex toys that would make the perfect gift for yourself this V-day and every day.

For Beginners

You and your hand are homies. Maybe you wandered down the adult toy aisle once or twice, or even dabbled with some shower head play. Now is the time to take the leap into adult toys.

Dildos:

  • Pros: Never needs batteries, deep penetration, manually controlled tempo, realistic feeling.
  • Cons: Not as stimulating as a vibrator

Our fave is the Bouncer Silicone Shakedildo

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Bouncer silicone shakedildo, $99, goodvibes.com

Realistic Phallic Vibrator:

  • Pros: Looks and feels like a real penis
  • Cons: Often not suitable for experimentation with anal play, not shaped for the perfect stimulation

Our fave is the Real Feel Mr Dick Dildo

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Real Feel Mr Dick Dildo, $25 annsummers.com

Bullet/Egg Vibrator

  • Pros: Powerful and intense stimulation for the clitoris, very discrete, often quiet
  • Cons: Offers little to no option for penetration

Our Fave is the Rocks Off Feranti Mini Mates Fantasy Set

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Rocks Off Feranti Mini Mates Fantasy Set, $46 annsummers.com

For Experienced Girls

If playing with yourself were Guitar Hero you would be nailing The Devil Went Down to Georgia on expert mode every single night, and adding in some whammy bar flair. You rub one out likes it’s your job. This V-day consider treating yourself with:

Rabbit Vibrator

  • Pros: Most likely to cause an orgasm, offers both clitoral and internal stimulation
  • Cons: bulky, often loud, requires batteries.

Our fave is the Fifty Shades Greedy Girl G Spot Rabbit

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Fifty Shades Greedy Girl G Spot Rabbit, $133 rabbitvibrators.net

Glass Dildos:

  • Pros: can be heated for cooled for temperature play, easy to clean, will last forever, often very artistic
  • Cons: Less stimulation, heavy

Our Fave is the Lattachino

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Lattichino, $199 holisticwisdom.com

Triple Pronged Vibrator:

  • Pros: Ultimate stimulation
  • Cons: Insertion can be tricky, harder to clean and store

Our Fave is the Lovelife Adventure Triple Slim Vibrator

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Lovelife Adventure Triple Slim Vibrator, $99 OhMiBod.com

Oral Sex Stimulator

  • Pros: Customizable with various speeds, realistic
  • Cons: no option for penetration

Our Fave is the Lelo Ora 2

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Lelo Ora, $189, Lelo.com

For girls who need that clitoral stimulation

If this solely-for-pleasure organ is your bestie (which is the case for about 75 percent of people who own vaginas) you can show those 8,000 nerve endings a little love with these bad boys:

Wand Vibrator:

  • Pros: Intense stimulation, fastest and most reliable orgasm
  • Cons: Often loud and requires a wall outlet

Our fave is the Magic Wand Rechargeable

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Magic Wand Rechargeable, $125 goodvibes.com

Discreet Clitoral Stimulator

  • Pros: Easy to clean, store, travel and hide. Easy to incorporate into relationships
  • Cons: No penetration possible, less intense than others

Our Fave is the Lovelife Discover Mini Vibe

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Lovelife Discover Mini Vibe, $59 Babeland.com

Wearable Panty Vibrator

  • Pros: Fun for couples, discrete, kinky
  • Cons: Less intense, less effective, much more time required to reach orgasm

Our Fave is the Club Vite 2.OH

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Club Vibe 2.OH, $89 OhMiBod.com

For girls who need G-spot stimulation

Ahh the elusive, magical and often hard to find pleasure spot. Many researchers believe that the g-spot (which could be an extension of the clitoris) is located about 2-3 inches within the vagina and located on the front wall. V-day is the perfect opportunity to do a little self-exploration to find Tantric Sex’s infamous “sacred spot” with some toys made specifically for internal stimulation:

  • Curved Dildos:
  • Pros: Manual control of pace, internal stimulation
  • Cons: Less stimulating than a vibrator

Our Fave is the Puramour Aiko Silicone Dildo

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Puramour Aiko Silicone Dildo, $45 holisticwisdom.com

Curved Vibrators:

  • Pros: Major internal stimulation, fast orgasms
  • Cons: Often loud, too intense for some

Our Fave is the Moregasm Move G-Spot Vibrator

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Moregasm Move G-Spot Vibrator, $74 annsummers.com

For girls who like the booty

Speaking of exploration, sometimes your run of the mill sex toys just don’t cut it. If you need something a little naughtier to keep things nice and hot, V-day is a perfect opportunity to test out that back door. Here are some toys to get you started:

Anal Beads/Balls

  • Pros: Good for beginners, sense of adventure, easy to clean
  • Cons: Small, can be under stimulating

Our Fave is the Climax Silicone Vibrating Bum Beads

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Climax Silicone Vibrating Bum Beads, $22 adamstoybox.com

Butt Plug

  • Pros: Very Kinky, good for double penetration, good for experts
  • Cons: large, can get in the way during sex if left in, more difficult to use

Our Fave is the Untamed XL Fox Tail Anal Plug

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Untamed XL Fox Tail Anal Plug, $41 adamstoybox.com

For Couples

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m touching myself and I’m thinking of you. Here’s some toys you and bae can use in tandem. There is something out there for you, no matter what combination of sex organs you happen to be banging together this V-day:

Strap-on:

  • Pros: Allows for intimate penetration, kinky, versatile
  • Cons: Set up required, harder to clean store and travel

Our fave is the Baby Pop Pack + Tomboi Strap On

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Baby Pop Pack + Tomboi Strap On, $191 wetforher.com

Bondage Toys (Cuffs, Silks, Ties, Masks)

  • Pros: Spices things up, versatile
  • Cons: Set up required, trust definitely required

Our fave is the Frisky Take Me 8 Piece Bondage Set

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Frisky Take Me 8 Piece Bondage Set, $70 adameve.com

Vibrating Cock Rings

  • Pros: Will keep him hard, Clitoral stimulation
  • Cons: Can occasionally be uncomfortable for him

Our fave is the Trojan Hot Spot Vibrating Ring

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Trojan Hot Spot Vibrating Ring, $7 trojanbrands.com


Kellie Merlot is the stage name for a dancer who lives, works and goes to school in Colorado. Her bottle of choice is, obviously, Merlot.

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2 thoughts on “Feelin’ Those Valentine’s Vibes: What Sex Toy To Buy Yourself This V-Day

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